The Real Recapper of Beverly Hills

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First of all, welcome back! I’m so happy I’m back on here… It’ve been a rough month with catching up on my studies and having to deal with the fakeness of Lisa Pinkderpump and me trying to impress her and be cool and say I have more than what I have. I felt like I was breaking down, and tuna char char char and I have this lie of a life I wanna celebrate with my toady husband. 

Secondly, I’m totally on Team Lisa & Team Camille, evidently.

But as usual, the good stuff must wait.

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Sadly, my studies are now taking up too much of my time that I cannot continue to do my recaps (for the next two weeks, anyway)… But I will catch up with the recaps in the near future.

Thank y’all for following this humble little blog and I promise I will be back.

Previously on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills…

The ladies were in Stuffed Beaver Creek for a ski getaway and after munching on some gooey chocolate chip cookies and some gooey ski concierges, they returned to Camille Grammatically Incorrect’s house to get some rest before dinner. Skeletaylor Pillowlips and Kyle Fiercemane stripped down to skimpy bikinis and relaxed in the hot tub under the bright, colorless, vast winter sky, blind and indifferent to Harry Potter’s pain at losing his wand. Hermione emerged with a copy of The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore and terrible secrets were revealed. Nimbly avoiding the Bravo cameras, Hermione and Harry discovered Dumbledore’s thumping gay secret and how he used to whip out his wand with his rebellious neighbor, Gellert Grindelwald, and they’d cast terrific spells. Skeletaylor shrieked “Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah” and zapped the two nerds away so she could tell Kyle about her marriage woes. It ended in tears and now we’re baaaaack… 

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Bravo has fired four cast members from The Real Housewives of New York City. Jill Zarin, Alex McCord, Kelly Bensimon, and Cindy Barshop got the boot, but the focus is on Jill Zarin. It’s the biggest insult ever to that red-haired bitch.

Good bye, Jill Zarin of Zarin Fabrics. May you prosper with Skweeezhwhateverthefuckitiscalled Couture and continue fighting against cyberbullying!

Okay, I am THRILLED to know Jill is going away, honestly. Yes, I will miss how she was always so great at drawing the attention to her in the promos for RHONYC, but she’s so toxic. She is too toxic that Bravo had to do what Bethenny did: Throw her out on her ass and force her to live off Twitter and the occasional shitty fashion show in a mall in Florida (SOOOOOOO glamorous, OMG OMG). Seriously, screw you and let the door hit you on your way out, Jill. Fuck you.

Ramona Singer, Countess LuAnn De Lesseps, and Sonja Morgan will remain on the show. Darling, we all know somebody has to bring class to the show, right? We also will get more of THIS.

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That was an unusually cheery episode with a usual extra-depressing ending, wasn’t it? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills continued their saga with a skiing trip to Camille Grammatically Incorrect’s ski lodge in a quaint lil’ town called Stuffed Beaver Creek. It was a trip with promises of sensual fondue eating, skiing on the brilliantly white slopes of Colorado, and at least one upcoming nervous breakdown.

But let’s start at the beginning before I get ahead of myself.

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Preface: Bravo did an impeccable job of acknowledging Russell Armstrong’s suicide with a brief, tasteful scene at the Maloof’s house. The ladies (except for Taylor) all discussed their thoughts on the tragedy and came across as very gracious, sensitive, and genuinely concerned for Taylor and her family. I think it was Kyle who summed it up pretty well: “Life goes on.” And that’s true. Despite any curveballs life may throw at us, we always move on. After the segment- filmed a mere week before the premiere- a simple title card faded in, informing us that the scenes were filmed prior to Russell Armstrong’s suicide. Again, tasteful and succinct. Bravo, Bravo.

NOW let’s get into the good stuff!

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